115bysept

intears and sobbing

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 12:09:37 GMT

It happened again!!!!!!!!! I had to make 4 different types of fudge, and 4 dozen banana cupcakes with chocolate ganche icing this weekend and now I have gone up to 128 again!!!! How is it poss to gain that much since friday? I am disgusting and do not even deserve to see out side this house, someone may just actually get sick looking at all my fat drooping around. So here I go again with the lax and alot of water pills and no food period! By the 12th I have 2 parties I have to look better than this. I cant embarass my hubby by looking like the fat stay at home lazy wife! He shouldn't have to be embarassed to take me to a gig, but looking like this I understand why he is.
NO DAMN FOOD...

I am going to go in my kitchen and throw away all the temptations I can...I must go get more water pills and metabolife too to keep my hunger from running over me!

Feeling a little betta....

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:05:49 GMT

Well I weighed in this morn at 122.4! So that's getting closer to my goals! My short term goal was 120 by this saturday and I am excited I may actually make this deadline yet! I really want this one. So I have to keep up the thinspiration and work my giggly butt off. Wish me luck and loads of no calories and disappearing fat!!!
Only prob is my lower right abdomen is so sore this morn...ya think it might be my kidneys again? Oh goodness I hope not.
I still just cant face this day without my water pills and metabolife so I guess I'll just have to suffer through it. NO PAIN NO GAIN RIGHT?

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:39:57 GMT

O.K ladies. I posted 2 of my fatty pics to keep me motivated. Now everyone can see how awfully I looked. And I can see it too. No more avoiding it. I am going to get my goal weight of 99!!! I will not let food control me, my life or my weight ever, ever again!
I want to be just like my avatar! She's elegant, thin and beautiful why cant I be?

yay!

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 10:28:06 GMT

Well I'll have to write more later as the oldest is up and about and she's nosy too! but I made it to 124.8 so I'm getting there!

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 13:02:48 GMT

I have been so down I couldn't even post. Just going through way too much stress and abusing the lax and water pills so my energy was nil and my attitude was horrendous. I can kind of hide behind being sick so everyone thinks, "oh, she's just not feeling well right now."
But that gets old after awhile. So I took a 2 days break from lax just struggled to not eat at all. I am able to say I am down from 127.2 to 125.8 so that's at least some shift. I am really going to struggle through this week and see what I can accomplish by saturday when everyone shows up here for the internet show party my hubby djs every saturday night from his home studio.
I have a family function on the 14th of oct so I am making that a goal for me to be down to 112. Then thanks giving I want to be down to 105 or even my all time goal of 99. I want double digits so bad. I know when I get there I can really be comfortable in my not so fat skin and maybe by then I wont feel so pudgy and squishy when hubby tries to hug me and cuddle up.
So it's metabolife ultra, water pill, and diet coke for breakfast, lunch and dinner for next 6 days!!!!!!!!

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 10:26:57 GMT

Well here it is my 1st goal day and I am still127.0!!!!!!! Damn it why cant I just not eat? It isn't that hard! I keep thinking if only...
but that crap isnt helping, now I guess it's back to lax again! I took a box of 60 in like 5 days and it helped but now right back to were I was.
I want that 110 so bad I can taste it! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I cant even do this I dont wanna be here. If Ii cant even control my eating how the hell am I supposed to run a family, be good mother & wife if I cant even keep myself from being fat?
Oh, how I wish I cut just cut this ugly, sagging mounds of flesh off my body so they slim sleek me inside can get out from under all that blubber, it's slowly killing me.

sighs

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 17:08:15 GMT

I wish I could just not eat! Gosh knows I try.
Of course it's always the weekends that flub me up. Hubby and kids wanna eat, eat, eat! If I ate like that I'd be a house!
I end of having to eat in front of them by saturday night and then again sunday night or they notice...sighs.
So even though I had big dose of water pills and a lot of lax and I still am up to 127.2!
Feels like I have to start over every Monday.
My first dead line is for this wed and no way will I be down to 115 by wed! ;(
Now I have to face my hubby on our Ann. flabby and FAT!
I'm kinda hoping he has to work over that day so he'll be too tired to go out or expect to have sex so I can at least avoid him seing so much"naked truth" as I put it.
I had 2 bites, prolly 1 oz. of red meat while I was setting up the pot to cook chili for the family. That's somehtin g I can put in a bowl and carry around with me so I can fake eating it yet they "see" me eating.
Oh I really hope this chubbiness subsides a little before wed.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 11:27:14 GMT

Well today scale says 126! So I have come along O.K. Now to keep up the effort and not to loose it to a big ol stuffing your face moment.
The energy drinks and about 300 to 400 seem to be key for me to loose. Oh and my lax and water pills.

Geeesh, wish I could post though. It's really heard to just watch and not comment but I can at least see that I am not alone in this so that is helping me stay strong.

5 days till my initial goal time but hopefully I can come closer in the next few days....wish me loads of lucks and disappearing calories!

somewhat betta

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 11:18:21 GMT

Well today scale said 128.2 so that's 1.6 pounds loss since yesterday. So I am on the right trck at least. I did very good yesterday on not eating so now there is today.
Good lord I hope I can get through today without any slip ups. I am supposed to go see my friends out tonight and then my hubby's internet dnb show is tomorrow and all his mates will be here.
I dont want to be the fattest chick here and embarrass him with being the fat girl of the group.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:29:16 GMT

well today I weighed in at 129.8 so thats 10 loss since I first found this place. I am trying to get to my goal weight which will ultimately be 100 lbs. That's what I want my scale to stay at!
It is slowly coming off but I keep screwing up and I'll stuff my face with something stupid like chips or gummy bears which are my down falls for sure!
I do believe I'm gonna have to ban them from the house till I reach my goal...if they arent here I wont eat them. Period!

I keep looking at my thinsporation pics I have on here and keep thinking to myself:

NOTHING CAN TASTE NEAR AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS!!!!!!

I wish I could post to help support and just chat , but at least I know I am not the only one fighting back from "recovery"......recovery my ass getting to be a fat slob is what they should say.

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 10:10:39 GMT

YAY!!!!!Back to 130 and mooooovin on down! Lax, energy drinks restriction and it's finally going somewhere!

Now to keep this up and I might make it somewhat close to goal......but not on the dot.

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 15:49:52 GMT

I feel like crap! I ate like a moose yesterday and now I took a bunch od lax pills so I am hoping it helps. But now I am feeling like I wanna throw up! Yuck....come on pills do your stuff.
I dont wanna be this blob any more. I hate to feel my fat rolls all frumpy and falling all over the edge of my jeans!!!!!!!!!!
Why cant I just stay at the weight I like??? 110 IS NOT TOO LITTLE FOR ME......

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 10:27:43 GMT

well, down to 133 now! So that's from 138.8 so not too bad in 7 days. Not too good either though. I had to push off hubby last 3 nights to avoid the "naked truth" as I call it!
I can not tolerate being touched at this wait. I'd rather be burned alive than let him touch me in all this blubber.
Women are supposed to be sleek and smooth. Not flabby and drooping like a big sloppy walrus!
I have to go get lax today, I did get my water pills and energy drinks to boost me some and keep me from a binge disaster.
I had to expel 6 times yesterday just to get rid of all the crap I had to stuff into my fat face in order to look like I am eating in front of hubby and daughters.
I wish I could just slice off all this blubber. It's suffocating me.

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 20:57:30 GMT

Today is awful. I choked down 5 pretzels just to stave off pains in my stomach. I am out of lax so I'll have to reup on them soon. I'm also almost out of water pills too. Can't let both of those slip or I'll be a moose quick!
I am hoping if I get some more caffiene pills I can up some energy. I have to loose 13 pounds by the 19th and boy is it slipping up on me quick. Gawd I hope I can get there by then....

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 10:55:14 GMT

Well I was up to 138.8 now I have been not eating and drinking my caffiene /energy drinks and taking my caffiene pills and water pills too. The laxatives help but I am starting to loose potency on them, building a tolerance again I suppose. But at least when I weighed myself today it said 132! So that's 6.8 pounds in 7 days. My goal was 1 pound a day so I am almost there!
If I keep it up I'll make my goal of 115 by sept 19th. I gotta keep pluggin away. I wish I knew how to post on the message board. *sighs*

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 15:39:29 GMT

I am starting a 2 week fast. I need to loose 15.lb before sept19-07! I dont wanna be fat then, it's my hubby and my ann. I cant stand him trying to hug me and grabbing all this flab. It's so gross. I wish I could just razor blade it off. Be done with it. I hate to feel my side and feel it all squishy instead of taunt and right. Not all mushy and gross.

I found a good energy drink with only 10 calories and it really helps me not get hungry or even think of food.

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:53:25 GMT