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A former "really fat chick" I was a fat child and fat teen. I had a baby when I was 18 and ballooned up to 190. Then as she got older I got fatter. I ended up being 250lbs. by time I was 128.
That was 4 years ago. I tried being throwing up everything....did not help at all!
So I quit eating and within 1 year I had gone down to 145. Then I got back with my x hubby and got pregnant again. I cried every time I had to eat anything at all. It was so awful.
Back to 200 pounds by time I gave birth. So then I got down to 118 in a year by not eating and I did do some meth but that sucked. I ended up getting kidney infection and had to eat to get better and now I am at 138.6 and am devastated.
I am only 5'3 so I cannot hold this weight.
Plus now I am a cake decorator/baker so I have to battle not to gorge on that!
I am hoping by being on here I can gain strength to do this the right way maybe. I am so addicted to having lax and water pills every day. I get so frightened and panicky if I run out.
I really just starved myself to loose all that weight the first time.
I dont wanna end up with another infection but it hurts to eat any more.
I love to run my hand over my body and feel my bones underneath...it's comforting.
If I do that feel squishy fat I just feel sick inside.

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